SMOKEY THE BEAR SUTRA
(Note from Lisa: If you're not a Buddhist, you may
scratch your head a little with this piece...but it's
definitely clever and thought-provoking!)
Once in the Jurassic about 150 million years ago, the Great Sun Buddha in this corner
the Infinite Void gave a discourse to all the assembled elements and energies: to the
standing beings, the walking beings, the laying beings, and the sitting beings--even
the grasses, to the number of thirteen billion, each one born from a seed, assem-
bled there: a Discourse concerning Enlightenment on the planet Earth.
"In some future time, there will be a continent called America. It will have great
centers of power called such as Pyramid Lake, Walden Pond, Mt. Rainier, Big Sur,
Everglades, and so forth; and powerful nerves and channels such as Columbia River,
Mississippi River, and Grand Canyon. The human race in that era will get into troubles
all over its head, and practically wreck everything in spite of its own strong intelligent
"The twisting strata of the great mountains and the pulsing of volcanoes are my love
burning deep in the earth. My obstinate compassion is schist and basalt and granite,
to be mountains, to bring down the rain. In that future American Era I shall enter a
to cure the world of loveless knowledge that seeks with blind hunger: and mindless
rage eating food that will not fill it."
And he showed himself in his true form of SMOKEY THE BEAR, a handsome, smoky-
colored brown bear standing on his hind legs, showing that he is aroused and
in his right paw the Shovel that digs to the truth beneath appearances; cuts the roots
of useless attachments, and flings damp sand on the fires of greed and war; His left
the mudra of Comradely Display--indicating that all creatures have the full right to live
their limits and that of deer, rabbits, chipmunks, snakes, dandelions, and lizards all
in the realm of the Dharma;
Wearing the blue work overalls symbolic of slaves and laborers, the countless
men oppressed by a civilization that claims to save but often destroys; Wearing
the broad-brimmed hat of the west, symbolic of the forces that guard the
wilderness, which is the Natural State of the Dharma and the true path of man
---all true paths lead through mountains--
With a halo of smoke and flame behind, the forest fires of the kali-yuga, fires
caused by the stupidity of those who think things can be gained and lost whereas
in truth all is contained vast and free in the Blue Sky and Green Earth of One Mind;
Round-bellied to show his kind nature and that the great earth has food enough for
everyone who loves her and trusts her...
Trampling underfoot wasteful freeways and needless suburbs, smashing the
worms of capitalism and totalitarianism; Indicating the task: his followers, becoming
free of cars, houses, canned foods, universities, and shoes, master the Three
Mysteries of their own Body, Speech, and Mind; and fearlessly chop down the
rotten trees and prune out the sick limbs of this country America and then burn the
leftover trash. Wrathful but calm. Austere but Comic. Smokey the Bear will Illuminate
those who would help him; but for those who would hinder or slander him...
HE WILL PUT THEM OUT.
Thus his great Mantra:
Namah samanta vajranam chanda maharoshana Sphataya hum traka ham mam
"I DEDICATE MYSELF TO THE UNIVERSAL DIAMOND BE THIS RAGING FURY BE
And he will protect those who love the woods and rivers, Gods and animals,
hobos and madmen, prisoners and sick people, musicians, playful women,
and hopeful children: And if anyone is threatened by advertising, air pollution,
television, or the police, they should chant SMOKEY THE BEAR'S WAR SPELL:
DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS
DROWN THEIR BUTTS
CRUSH THEIR BUTTS
And SMOKEY THE BEAR will surely appear to put the enemy out with his vajra-
shovel. Now those who recite this Sutra and then try to put it in practice will
accumulate merit as countless as the sands of Arizona and Nevada.
Will help save the planet Earth from total oil slick.
Will enter the age of harmony of man and nature.
Will win the tender love and caresses of men, women, and beasts.
Will always have ripened blackberries to eat and a sunny spot under a pine
tree to sit at.
AND IN THE END WILL WIN HIGHEST PERFECT ENLIGHTENMENT
...thus we have heard...